Do you feel left out at work? Maybe you feel left out of the loop or left out of social events, or you feel deliberately or completely isolated at work by your boss or co-workers.
I hear you! I felt so isolated and left-out at work that it led to me finding another job. These are my tips on what to do if you feel lonely or excluded in your workplace, and how to know when it may be time to look for another job.
Signs You Don’t Fit In – Why I Felt Isolated at Work
When lockdown ended in the UK, we were told by Boris Johnson that everyone would be ecstatic to be back in the office and that we’d all share a trip to Pret in unity for the much-missed sandwiches and baguettes. Unfortunately, that was not the case in my return to the office.
I had gone from working in a toxic ‘ high-growth sexy startup’ where every millennial wanted to be my best friend and go to brunch with me on the weekend to an old fashioned property management company in the capital of London, eating my lunch in front of my computer reading BBC News. At the time, accepting a job role that promised the work-life balance I so desperately required to finish my ACA studies seemed like a no-brainer. However, it posed a darker problem for me and my career – isolation and loneliness in the workplace.
The ‘I don’t have time to grab lunch’, turning up to an empty department floor and lack of social interaction in terms of meetings were a couple of red flags I had observed in my first 60 days but I knew that if this way of working was going to be the ‘new normal’ due to company culture and post-effects of COVID working, it wasn’t a workplace environment where I could thrive.
The ‘I don’t have time to grab lunch’, turning up to an empty department floor and lack of social interaction in terms of meetings were a couple of red flags I had observed in my first 60 days
Social interaction and not feeling isolated at work is more than just a ‘nice to have’. Studies have shown how important it is that employers recognise the importance of social connections in the workplace, and the effect of isolation at work on physical and mental health. When we experience isolation in the workplace, the region of the brain that is activated is the same as if physical pain had been experienced.
I’ve learnt a lot in my career during the pandemic and the multiple lockdowns we’ve had but office isolation was a new lesson. Unfortunately, it is one of those aspects of your career that can suddenly change over time and cannot be uncovered during the interview process. You may be the extroverted individual who likes discovering new food places near the office and your department already has an office clique (a red flag for toxic work culture) or maybe you want more team interaction in your job role.
5 Ways I tried to deal with loneliness and isolation in the workplace
1. Give yourself time to fit in at work
When you start a new job most people are usually very welcoming, want to chat and get to know you or maybe you get invited to a lot of lunches in your first week. However, the loneliness may have come during a quieter period at work or after you’ve settled in your role. Before jumping to conclusions that you are lonely at work, think about what it is that is making you feel alone and abandoned. Is it something that you can try to eradicate yourself or is it the team?
For me, it was being ignored by management, the lack of team socials and the bizarre attitude to taking breaks and lunch during the working day. This was certainly a company that did not believe in coffee breaks. Pinpointing the root cause of the isolation was the first step.
2. Make an effort but not Every. Single. Time.
Want a relationship or friendship? There are stacks of advice online on topics like how to make friends at work, how to make work friends if you’re introverted, and the importance of having a ‘work best friend’.
We’re always told to make the first move and create social opportunities for ourselves by society. The Finance Department I worked in was so quiet on a Monday that you did not hear the usual conversations of ‘how was your weekend?’ or anyone grumbling about how much they hated Mondays.
Even in an open office, everyone had their own section of the department floor and it felt as if we were stepping into people’s private offices. When I first started feeling lonely, I tried making the first move by asking individuals in my team if they would like to go to this cool Mexican takeaway place for lunch in Soho or by making small talk such as ‘how was your weekend?’ and ‘how is your day going?’. I also suggested activities for team socials or for after-work near the office, however, don’t feel obliged to make the effort with coworkers every single day or every single time.
In my actual job role, if people were in the office I wouldn’t send emails, I’d go to their desk with my questions.
I came to terms with workplace loneliness when I was being rejected for basic social interaction on multiple occasions and frankly, I didn’t want to be rejected anymore. If this wasn’t going to change, I accepted that I needed to find another job that could meet my social needs.
If this wasn’t going to change, I accepted that I needed to find another job that could meet my social needs.
3. Try working from home if you feel excluded or isolated at work
Probably the one piece of advice that no other career article would write but I feel this is just human psychology – if giving someone more attention doesn’t work, try giving them less. The opposite measure to take from Tip #2 but I found this super-effective to make my team interact with me more.
When I stopped making the effort of inviting people to grab lunch with me or coffee and then I suddenly disappeared due to having the flu and having to rest, recover and work from home, I noticed a couple of colleagues missed my presence. They missed bubbly me suggesting interesting things to do or exciting lunch places, they missed my honest talk and maybe just someone who would sit next to them in the office.
When I worked from home, I started receiving messages on Teams wishing me ‘get well soon’ and ‘when are you going to be in your office?’. I don’t think this is a sustainable way to build bonds in the workplace or should you have to keep being absent just for people to see the worth of your company but it was a temporary measure to make my colleagues realise what I brought to the team.
When I felt lonely I also got into the mindset of not wanting to commute to be alone for 8 hours in a desolate office. My partner was working from home and I thought at least I had someone to co-work with and someone who I would enjoy lunch with. Find other places to work if you are not getting your social needs met – this could be home or a cafe or a co-working space.
4. Tell your team and line manager that you feel isolated at work or left-out
I’ve mentioned in my previous articles that saying ‘no’ and thinking about what you really want in a career is important, extending that to speaking up when you feel extremely unhappy in your job is even more important.
I am a strong believer in taking a decent lunch break away from your desk and computer, which has been shown to increase creativity and concentration as well as being essential to your mental and physical health. The company culture for my department was one where people had very bad eating habits – going to the nearest Pret and eating sandwiches in front of their computers whilst browsing Instagram.
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to have lunch to myself – maybe I’ve got an important phone call or deadlines or need to do an errand during my lunch break but not taking a sufficient break – like one third of the UK workforce – impacts productivity and quality work.
I decided to speak up about my beliefs of taking regular breaks and having a lunch break with different members of my team. I tried to raise awareness of the benefits of taking a rest from work during the day. If the problem persists and you feel this is a company culture rather than just one individual being difficult, have that difficult conversation with your line manager and express concerns of feeling isolated and lonely. It is up to the company to take some form of measures to combat workplace loneliness especially when most of your team are working remotely or in another country.
I decided to speak up about my beliefs of taking regular breaks and having a lunch break with different members of my team.
5. Walk away from the job and find one which has a social team!
The last resort you should take if you are feeling alone and isolated at work. The ‘get up and go’ approach that most articles seem to advise to combat loneliness can only be done so many times until you realise that things will not change at the company.
As mentioned in one of my more recent articles, having a workplace best friend is a must. That one person who makes you feel welcome from day one, who takes an interest in who you are on a human level or just someone you can chat to about work and outside of work hours. Whilst it takes one person to join and you can find this workplace friend, you cannot rely on this happening.
After lockdown and being in multiple pandemics in the UK, a social team has become something I require in my career to feel fulfilled and happy and be the best that I can be at my job. Having a team where you can talk about work, bounce ideas and build bonds through projects or work socials is something that I need. Originally, I thought it was more time I needed in my life but then I had that and I still felt as if something was missing in my career and life.
If you do quit, be honest and open during the resignation process about feeling isolated / ignored/ left out in the company. Employers need to tackle loneliness as well as employees and they can do that by having frequent team socials, an employee assistance program or setting up a ‘buddy scheme’ and partnering people up to be mentored. You might also want to read my article on ‘Should I Walk Away from My Job’.
No job is worth sacrificing your happiness and mental health so make that career move and ask the right questions in the interview to avoid hopping from one anti-social company to another!
No job is worth sacrificing your happiness and mental health so make that career move
If you’re feeling isolated and lonely at work for a week, a month or longer, it’s important to address this and try to make an effort. If you’ve made that effort, don’t feel bad for being in a company that doesn’t reciprocate. This just means there is a better job out there where a team would love to have you! It can take time to change bad habits from company culture but sometimes it does not change.
In between feeling lonely and leaving my own job, I found other people who felt lonely and I did make a couple of friends who I hope to stay in contact with but sometimes the way of working does not align with how you feel a team should operate.
I hope you found these tips helpful and if you’re ever feeling lonely at work, drop a message on my Instagram and let’s chat 🙂
