This next post is a guest feature from Katie at The Graduate Club. Today, she’s going to talk about her experience as a 20something-year-old and the pressures of having a life plan that hasn’t gone quite to plan and what she does instead.
Katie is my Graphic Designer and an amazing blogger, she set up a free platform to support all graduates throughout their next steps after University. There is an overwhelming lack of information provided to graduates facing these huge life changes, and Katie has helped to open up this discussion.
‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’
This is the question that, in many ways, begins to set us up for adulthood from those first days we spend within the safety of our primary school walls. The answer we begin to form goes on to carve out our pathway through education and beyond. Whether it’s the GCSE subjects we select, the commitment we are to make as to whether we should attend University, and how our time their will pan out – these decisions are all about fulfilling our destiny to answer this one simple question.
When people ask you what you want to be when you grow up, it’s common practice that they expect a particular answer. At some point in time, it became the norm to answer this question with an occupation or a job title – whether that be a policeman, teacher, or a journalist. For me, a large part of my life quickly became focused on creating this reality for myself about my own answer, to the point where I forgot about all the other things that I wanted upon growing up too…
Things like happiness, fulfilment, good friends, and the opportunity to make good memories – the kind of memories that you look back on and wish you could relive over and over again.
Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having an idea or certain goal to work towards in the long run. If you’re certain on the pathway that you want to take, working on yourself and preparing to meet this goal can’t do any harm. The thing that can make things a little harder, however, is the expectations that come hand in hand with everything you are trying to achieve.
Upon graduating from University, I found that I did a lot of things because I thought I was supposed to be doing them.
Within a month of pressing send on that last assignment, it was like there was a ticking timer over my head. I had a certain amount of time to move out of the childhood bedroom at my parents’ house that I was so fond of, secure the dream job role, or at least begin climbing the industry ladder to prepare me for other adult things like saving for a house.
I quickly moved out, finding a great job and a flat in a new city. I had everything I thought I was supposed to have at this stage in my life and the prospect of this felt exciting. I’d ticked all the boxes.
So, why did I quickly find myself feeling so unhappy?
When this prospect became my day-to-day reality, instead of moving forwards I quickly began to feel like I was sinking. As much as I thought I was doing these things because I wanted to, it didn’t take long to realise that I wasn’t doing them for myself at all. I was doing them because I believed that this was what I was supposed to do.
I’m not sure where the belief comes from that upon finishing our time in education, we should be meeting a certain brief as to what makes a successful graduate and adult – but having spoken to numerous other graduates I know I’m not alone in feeling the pressure not to plateau.
Since graduating myself, the most valuable lesson I learnt was to do things because I wanted to do them, rather than doing them because I felt like I should.
I’ve soon realised that this example isn’t just relevant for my story, but to many stages in life.
Whether that’s regarding career prospects, when you decide to get married and have children (if you even want to do either of those things at all!), and the pace at which you make all these decisions. The pathway of adulthood is in no way linear, but the most special thing about it is that is yours to create as you wish.
Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know that I’m now writing this piece back sitting in the childhood bedroom that I’m so awfully fond of – and feeling happier than I have done in a long time. Whatever stage of your life you are currently at, I hope happiness is running through it too.
Here are 5 Tips to tackle feeling resentment at the current stage you’re at in life:
1. Try to spend more time focusing on the now rather than on your five-year plan.
In Elizabeth Day’s book Failosophy, she highlights that there is actually no such thing as a five-year plan. Whatever you try and set out, it’s very unlikely that life will play out the way you think it will. It’s great to keep yourself motivated by setting intentions, but if you haven’t saved up for a house by 24 or got your dream career by 29 that’s okay. Those things will come when you’re ready for them., Check out the life lessons I learnt in 2020 and find out what didn’t go to plan for me.
2. Actually try to unfollow accounts on social media that make you unhappy about your life plan (i.e Kylie Jenner).
If the people you follow on Instagram are contributing to this pressure to be at a certain place in your life, it’s okay to mute or even unfollow them. Their achievements or life plan doesn’t need to be comparable to yours.
3. Challenge these negative thoughts
Ask yourself, why am I feeling like this? Most of the time, it can be because of things you’ve seen in the media, or even because you feel insecure around friends who have hit certain milestones. Having an understanding of why you are feeling a certain way is the first step to overcoming it.
4. Music always has a funny way of helping things slot into place.
Try listening to some of your favourite music – sometimes the lyrics can explain what you’re feeling without you having to word it yourself. Listening to songs that relate to how your feeling can be a good release – and when in doubt, sing!
Sophie loves listening to ‘Ironic’ by Alanis Morissette when she’s feeling down – especially belting out the chorus and getting through the end of the song!
5. Finally, try to place your own happiness above what other people think of you.
For a long time, I worried what people would think of me for giving up my new life and moving back to my hometown. It wasn’t until I moved back that I realised the happiness and relief I was feeling was much more important than what other people could possibly think of me (and the reality is, they’re probably too worried about their own life to even care what you’re up too)!
How have you been feeling lately about your life plan? I learnt not to feel bad about not being in my dream job at 21!
